Heartbreak Sucks

Heartbreak sucks. It sucks so hard.

I've had break-ups. Lots of them. I usually had a routine. Get drunk, cry about it for a couple of days, and then find someone else to replace.

But this time?

I can't even think of myself with anyone else. I cannot picture that it really is over. How can, what I would call, the great "love of my life" really be gone? How could he just walk out that door and throw it all away?

Hey I'm not perfect.

But neither is he.

You know how when you are with someone and they do things that annoy you? But have you ever been with someone whose 'annoying' stuff doesn't actually bother you and sometimes you even find it endearing?! I mean I could pick at so many little things that bothered me when we were together but they didn't amount to anything worthy of even bothering to be annoyed about it, because in every other way I love him.

I think I need this time alone.

I need to find my own happiness and peace from within. Not get it from external factors but really find that which I have been looking for, in myself.

The whole time we were together I was trying to find that but was truly struggling. So many external factors kept weighing on me.

• Divorce

• Small kids

• A stressful career

I never quite got my footing. He knew this and judged me for it. He expected too much and didn't give me the chance to find it. He constantly said 'I'll meet you where you are'. Yet he didn't. He just wanted me to be perfect too soon.

It wasn't fair. Isn't fair.

He should love me for who I am and not try to change me. He needs to accept me. I get I have work to do but overall the person I am is the same. That isn't changing.

Either way - weeks later and this shit still hurts.