Who Am I?

This is one of the questions I've been asking myself for at least a year now and really focusing on since my life has ultimately gone to shit. I have been trying to figure out when I was last truly happy. What did my life look like? Why was I happy then? What did I have or not have then that I do/don't now?

But it's not an easy question to answer and more importantly, is it the question I should be asking?

I read an article today by who I'll call "the Happiness Doctor" and it explained things SO well for me. We live in a society where you have to have this identity that everyone can understand. We have been steered to tie our identity in what we do/what we believe; I'm a democrat, I'm a teacher, I'm Christian, I'm a mother, a wife, an engineer, etc etc. But those aren't actually WHO we are and they sure as hell aren't the whole picture of who we are. They are just simple classifications to be able to easily group us.

As an example: I have a degree in engineering, I work as a project manager, I used to be a wife and I am the mother of 2 children.

But I am so much more than these classifications and these are NOT my identity.

I don't fit into a 'mold'.

This article that I read took this concept even a step further; it denoted that WHO we are is actually fluid - as in constantly changing. Who we are is not a steady state.  Also we are today is a different version than we were yesterday.

To quote:

"You will have a better chance of realizing happiness if you can see yourself as a dynamic agent of your own progress.

1. Find the person you want to be.

2. Identify the characteristics of that person you seek to emulate.

3. Make a plan to practice the virtues you want to cultivate."

He speaks of how our goals should focus on fluid traits that we should aim to achieve and creating steps to how we want to achieve these traits. And to be mindful of the fact that along this journey you won't have the same day twice. I won't feel the exact same way from one moment to the next.

My ultimate goal is to be Happy and Healthy but that also translates to me as ultimately FREE!

Free from myself, free from others and such an immense peace within life that I can finally truly enjoy it.

So I take back the question of who am I? I keep trying to go back to the person I used to be last time I was 'happy'. But let me tell you, I am NOT that person anymore and my life doesn't even remotely look the same. So I need to stop trying to re-live when I was last happy and move towards…

What does happy look like to me now?

What does healthy look like?

What does a happy and healthy and FREE Sam look like?

And THAT ladies and gentlemen, is the person I aim to become :)