Eat, Pray, Love

This has been a movie that I started watching monthly (and on every plane ride) in the year leading up to my divorce. I had seen it years ago but it now hit differently, I understood Liz Gilbert.

The beginning of the movie is the part that hit the hardest when I saw it last February, "I had actively participated in every moment of my life, so why didn't I see myself in any of it?" I paused the movie and balled my eyes out. Bulls eye.

She was living a life that she was unhappy in. She thought it was what she had wanted but came to the realization that was not true. I never wanted the marriage, kids, house with the white picket fence and the 9-5 that came with a steady paycheck. Yet that is exactly what my life became. My husband, he was a great person however it became apparent after 7 years together that we wanted different things out of life. He only ever cared about becoming a husband and father. Being a mother was never the top of my life's wish list, but after I got married I wanted a child of my own and now I have two beautiful children whom I love very much. Motherhood did not come naturally to me and has been the hardest yet most fulfilling job of my life. However, it was a life I was unhappy in.

"I used to have this appetite, for food, for my life and it is just gone" - Liz Gilbert says as she is speaking to her friend. Bull's eye again.

An appetite for life, that was always me! I was a dreamer with goals and so much I wanted to accomplish and see in the world. But I have lost that over the years, but slowly that spark is starting to ignite.

"Maybe you are a woman in search or her word" - says Sophi to Liz.

That immediately had me questioning what is my word? I know its not career related, its not mother or wife, but what is my word? Adventurous, hungry, dissatisfied, negative?? I mean there are a lot of words used to describe me but is there one word that would fit? And if not a word maybe I have a phrase!

"you have control issues"

"if you could just clear out all that stuff in your head"

"I don't have to love you to prove that I love myself"

I think by now you get the picture, I relate well to that movie and to Liz. Granted she does not have children and could take off for a year, something I cannot do. But there is still a lot to be admired in this movie as I start my journey and I can still accomplish bits of it with short trips and working on 'things' from the comfort of my home.

I am excited in that my first stint will be taking my children to Germany and Greece in May of this year. Followed by taking myself on a guided trip through Madagascar for 2 weeks in June. I want to include my children as I explore the world but I will still take the opportunity for some me time when I get the chance.

Really the movie just reminds me I'm not alone, that there are others out there who have been through similar situations. And it gives me hope that if I try, I can find myself again.

Disclaimer: I have NEVER read the book so I'm going based off the movie. I relate to the Liz Gilbert movie version.

Thailand 2014